01:00
Hey friends, it's Star. I want to start today by saying that if you're in the middle of something messy, you're not alone. This episode is for the mom who's trying to hold everything together while quietly falling apart inside.
02:00
Today we are talking about peace — but not the kind you feel when you're finally alone, when no one needs anything from you. Not the spa-day kind of peace. Not the peace you feel when you're driving in silence — no music, no conversation, and you're just able to think calmly. I'm not even talking about the old "Calgon, take me away" kind of peace. Okay, I'm dating myself, I know. The peace I'm talking about today goes so much deeper. It is not about personality. It is not something that comes naturally. It is a gift — and today I want to share how I found it in one of the hardest seasons of my life.
03:00
Let me take you back to the day we brought our son to a residential treatment center. Those words — even saying them out loud — are hard. Because when you're a mom, your job is to protect, to fix, to hold your child close. Never let anything bad happen to them. Letting go feels like failure. Like you're giving up. But what if the only way to love your child is letting go? That day was gut-wrenching — not because we didn't believe in the decision. We had prayed. We had done the research. We knew he needed help we could not give him at home. But knowing something does not mean that you're okay with it. Knowing something is right doesn't make you feel any less like you are wrong.
04:00
Like you're failing at the one thing you were supposed to be able to do naturally — parent our kids. It happens in the natural. Animals do it. Other people do it. And considering what we've lived, thinking, "We can't do this one thing" — which is our main, I'd say our only, our number one responsibility — did we break our child? It sounds harsh, I know, but that's where my mind went in that moment. Our natural instinct is to ask God why. Why my family? Why my son? Why? Thinking back, I spent the better part of a year asking those questions over and over again. I never found the right answers. We sought answers. We tried everything — all sorts of therapy, psychologists, psychiatrists, equine, nature, sports.
05:00
We tried keeping him busy. We volunteered him for church activities. We tried everything anyone recommended, and nothing worked. My questions and my constant revisiting of the situation didn't really help or solve anything that was going on. And on the day we dropped him at the residential treatment center, I asked something different. I stepped back and I asked God, "What am I supposed to learn from this?" Not because I'm some sort of spiritual warrior — not even close — but because I was not alone. I had the support of a group of incredible women I meet with weekly. We gather to share life, support each other, and seek more of God together. And I was reminded that I didn't have to have all the answers. I just had to stay close to the One who did.
06:00
And although I had not verbalized it yet, I felt caught between faith and fear — just like that father in Mark who cried out to Jesus, "I do believe; help my unbelief." So throughout that day, and for the days that followed, I kept quietly praying that verse. And I kept asking God, "What am I supposed to learn from this?" One thing I have learned is that peace doesn't always arrive like a wave crashing in. Sometimes it is a whisper. A choice. A moment where I stop striving and say, "I choose commitment. I choose peace. I choose to trust that God has a plan, even though I don't understand it."
07:00
I had to let go of the fear. Isn't it something the way we make bad situations worse? We let our imagination run wild. We rehearse it in our minds. It's like watching a TV show recap on a reel. We question everything: did we pray hard enough? Are we believing big enough? But none of that pressure comes from God. You hear me? I'm gonna say that again — none of that pressure we feel comes from God. John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Wow. That line — "not as the world gives" — means everything to me.
08:00
It speaks to me because the world's peace has so many dependencies. Things need to happen. Everything needs to be okay. There's an order to it — or at least we think there is. But God's peace? God's peace is not logical. It doesn't follow rules. It doesn't wait for things to be okay. It just shows up in the middle of the storm. I've come to the realization that peace is a gift, but it is also a choice. We can't choose our circumstances, but you can choose where you place your trust. Philippians 4:6–7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
09:00
So if you think about that — He's not asking us to perform perfect faith. He doesn't expect us to never doubt. God does not punish us for being human. In fact, in Jude 1:22, the scripture says, "Be merciful to those who doubt." And that includes me. And it includes you. Be gentle with yourself. Another thing I have learned is that sometimes we put our faith in faith itself. Do you know what I mean by that? Faith is not about how strong we are. It is about who we are trusting.
10:00
Once I stopped holding myself to an impossible standard and allowed myself to be loved by God right where I was, peace became inevitable. Not immediate — but inevitable. I made the choice, and then I allowed myself to feel His grace. Let me pray for you today, especially if you're feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or alone in your journey — whether it's parenting, your relationship, whatever it is, your job. God, I lift up every mother listening right now. You see her behind the brave face and the heavy heart. You see every sleepless night. You see every tear. And You know every question she's afraid to ask.
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You know what is going on in her mind, in her home, and You're not far from it. Lord, remind her today that peace is not something she has to earn. It is a gift. It is a promise. And even when the storm doesn't stop, You are in the boat with her. Please, Lord, replace her fear with trust. Replace her striving with surrender. Replace her shame with grace. Guard her heart. Guard her mind. And help her breathe again. Amen. Friend, you don't have to be naturally calm or spiritually perfect to experience peace. You just have to be willing to trust the One who holds your child, the one who holds your marriage,
12:00
your worries, your whole world. If anything in today's episode gave you peace, or gave you clarity, or just reminded you that you're not alone — would you share it with another mama who needs it? Sometimes a simple share is exactly how God reaches out to someone. If you want to keep walking this journey with me, make sure you're following the Still Star Podcast wherever you listen. You can also visit stillstarpodcast.com to subscribe, read the show notes, or download our free devotionals. I am so glad that you're here. Remember — you are not alone. You are loved. And peace is closer than you think. You are still star.
Lightly edited for readability. Timestamps approximate. ✦
